Captains Search

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Jobcentre.


I have just looked on the Jobcentre website to do a jobsearch for a relative who has just lost their job.Rather than using the Jobcentre website to do the search you are redirected to a shite site called Directgov Jobs and skills search.Say what you will about the old Jobcentre jobsearch but at least it was user friendly and quick to search which cant be said for the new site.
The new site looks simpler than the old system but takes ages to do any searches.I started a search before writing this and it has only just come up with the results.Typically the Government has seen fit to "improve" something only to cock it up completely.No doubt Crapita or some other contractor has made a mint out of selling the taxpaying public a system that they think looks good(not my opinion) but does everything poorly.This could be a metaphor for modern Britains public services-overpriced but crap.Someone who commented on a previous post summed it up perfectly
"Due to letting the multi-headed Hydra of local government get rampantly out of control for so many years, you're going to be facing meagre US levels of services for astronomical Scandanavian levels of taxation."

Update

When I checked the results of my search that took so long to appear it became clear that the search facility is rubbish.I asked for a particular type of job within a reasonable distance of Tunbridge Wells and the first result of many unsuitable jobs was based in
Lewisham FFS.Thanks DWP now I know why many people refer to you as the Department of Wankers and Pillocks .That ladyboy Mrs Balls seems to be in charge now so what else can we expect,Balls by name Balls by nature.

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Speed Camera bombed.



Police were today hunting the person who blew up a yellow roadside camera, leaving parts strewn across a road in Eastleigh, Hampshire.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1239149/Police-hunt-motorist-blew-speed-camera-BOMB.html#ixzz0b7OJzgV9

Give the man a medal and an invite to East Sussex.Cameras are just revenue raising devices and have never had anything to do with road safety.The worm has finally turned.

Sussex Scamera Partnership WEBSITE HERE.

Sunday, 27 December 2009

East Sussex County Council -waste of space.


I know drones from East Sussex County Cretins read this so I have some important news for them in the hope that someone will be able to tear themselves away from their taxpayer funded tea and biscuits long enough to actually do something useful.
The message is quite simple and easy for normal people to understand (oh I can see a problem already).If the cretins have a problem digesting the information then please feel free to copy this and pass on to all that may be effected.
The important message is as follows.


IT IS GOING TO SNOW AGAIN WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK!!!!!


See that wasnt too difficult was it-all you need to do now is to get off your fat arses and actually arrange for ALL the roads of E Sussex to be salted. To explain that means all the roads not just the priority routes that they have decided which strangely enough coincides with areas the senior staff of ESCC live like dicksville and twats crossing.
If I have to do their job again and clear all the roads around Swing towers like I did last time I will be sending them a hefty bill to cover my time and inconvenience.

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Sussex Carol



Merry Christmas to you all.

Sunday, 20 December 2009

Has anyone seen a gritter?


Crowborough had about 8 inches of snow Thurs night Friday morning.Nearly 48hrs later and some of the towns roads STILL havnt been gritted.
Why is it that East Sussex County Council have all these useless partnerships yet cant master the simple fact that Crowborough is prone to bad weather due to its elevation and if snow is to fall it will fall more here.The powers that be are too busy cosying up with all these "partners" that basic services like keeping the roads clear are just ignored.No one has been able to get up the hill outside my house now for 2 days and the whole Montargis estate is a disaster area with abandoned cars everywhere and a road surface like glass.What are these idiots in charge actually doing.East Sussex doesnt have any Motorways so resources should be concentrated on the areas with most snow, is that too complicated for these useful idiots.Every year we have this same farce where roads are left impassable for days due to snow.People cant get to work and earn the money to pay for the council services which are not being provided.Personally I dont care that ESCC is a LGB (lets get buggered) employer or they are pikey friendly all I want is for them to provide the services that I have already paid for.I have spent quite a lot of time in Canada and 8 inches would only be considered a light dusting.Why is it that other countries can keep the roads open in all weather but we cant.Its probably got something to do with the fact that ESCC employ people on the basis of their skin colour or sexual preferences but do not consider basic competence to be an essential part of the job.As a result we have a council that has a diverse workforce but is uniformly incompetent.
The cunts at the council are still going on about global warming shite even though everyone knows its all bollocks of the highest degree.Why dont they look out of their window and see the snow and ice.Global warming my arse.

Update-3 days and still no sign of gritters and all the paths are still lethal.
When are the council going to get off their collective fat arses and do something.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Wealden Council value your views (as long as they agree with theirs).


The Wealden Panel is made up of 1,100 residents from across the District who are representative in terms of age, ethnicity and gender. The residents' panel will be consulted regularly on local issues. Panel members' views will inform future policy and decisions about services.
In order to maintain a panel that is as representative of the District's population as possible, it will not be possible to volunteer to join the panel. However, the 'Have your say' page on our website highlights a range of opportunities for responding to Wealden's consultations.

This is an extract from the Wealden Council website about local residents having their say on Council services.The second paragraph says it all really that they rig the panel so that they always get the result they want.This is not consultation this is just information manipulation so that the council can say what a brilliant job they are doing and look at all these residents that agree.What they dont mention is that this panel is populated by placemen and local authority window lickers.Most residents will never get an opportunity to have their say because their views dont coincide with the approved newspeak shit that pours out of the council on a daily basis.
Wealden is always harping on about diversity and equality bollocks so how does the panel selection sit with this...

"The aim of the Wealden Equality Scheme is to set out how we will ensure that all our services and employment opportunities are provided with equity and fairness to everyone."

Once again its the old "we value diversity but if you have different views to us you can fuck off " ploy so favoured by the local authority twats we have running the local area.

Friday, 11 December 2009

East Sussex County Councils Common Purpose.




I had an interesting e mail about Common Purpose working within East Sussex County Council.
For anyone who thinks that Common Purpose is a training charity watch this.

Monday, 7 December 2009

Has anyone seen this woman?




This is Ms Cheryl Miller(I put the Ms in because they always are Ms's)the senior officer of East Sussex County Council.She is such a valuable person within the organisation that we paid her over £150,000 in 2007.So what does this woman do that is so important and demands such a huge salary courtesy of the taxpayers of East Sussex.To be honest I dont know what she actually does but I am sure if she didnt do it we wouldnt notice.

She does spend rather a lot of her time (paid for by us) networking and putting herself around a bit.
I list below all the bullshit organisations that she belongs to.

•Member (and former President) of the Society of Local Authority Chief Executives and Senior Managers (SOLACE)
•Member (and former Chairman) of the Association of County Chief Executives (ACCE)
•Member (and former Chairman) of the Local Authority Chief Executives advisory body to the South East England Regional Assembly (SEERA)
•Member of the Government’s Geographical Information (GI) Panel – advising the Government on a GI Strategy for the UK
•Member of the Senior Women in Public Sector Leadership Group
•Clerk to the East Sussex Lieutenancy
•Chairman of the East Sussex Youth Offending team (YOT) Steering Group
•Former member of the Royal Commission on Environmental Pollution
•Fellow of the Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce (RSA).

So there you have it someone who does very little work and is a member of a load of bullshit external bodies(I hope she doesnt attend any of these during work times)ends up getting over £150,000 per annum.Now if she worked for a private employer she would be answerable to the shareholders and if she didnt shape up she would get the heave ho.As Ms Miller is on the public payroll she is responsible to no one and those people who pay her wages and are in effect her employer have no powers of oversight to decide whether or not she is taking the piss with our money.

I do find it interesting that she doesnt mention being party to secretive meetings under chatham house rules (no minutes)with other "leaders".We have no way to tell what cosy little deals get stitched up at these meetings but I am pretty sure the
interests of the taxpayer are not considered.These organisations talk about changing society for the post democratic age and leading beyond authority.What they should be discussing is doing the job(and only the job) for which they are paid.If they serve no real purpose and dont pass the "what if they didnt exist" test then they should piss off the public payroll and follow their outside interests in their own time and at their own expense.

Friday, 4 December 2009

Crowborough Town Council.



Well fuck me we are all lucky people to be living in a town with free trade status whatever that means.
I always thought that free trade was a hairbrained scheme thought up by socialists to help the local warlords in far off lands to buy extra AK47s on the back of us buying shit tasting chocolate or coffee.To be honest my opinion hasnt changed a bit and the arrogance of the councillors is unbelievable in them thinking that if they drink shit coffee it will somehow make a difference to the status of Crowborough.
The council seems to be on a power trip at the moment and has decided that the little matter of elected representatives on the council can be overlooked if it means getting the right type of person on the council.They are now looking for another councillor to be co opted onto the council without any vote.
The advert says
"CASUAL VACANCY
JARVIS BROOK WARD
TO BE FILLED BY CO-OPTION
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE CONSIDERED TO BECOME A TOWN COUNCILLOR PLEASE APPLY TO THE TOWN CLERK FOR AN APPLICATION FORM.
COUNCIL MEETING ON TUESDAY 19TH JANUARY 2010 7.30pm TO WHICH YOU WILL BE INVITED.

What the advert should say is...

"Anyone can apply but unless you attend the right golf club or trouser legging lodge you dont stand a chance because we dont want your sort upsetting the applecart.Special dispensation will be made in order to fasttrack you onto the council if you have attended a Common Purpose NLP course and have a history of working for a public sector employer as a drone.Anyone that doesnt exhibit newspeak and PC thoughts will be labelled an extremist and barred from being a councillor.
We are an equal opportunity employer but as you all know some piggies are more equal than others (oink oink)."

Crowboroughs latest PcSO.

I have found this video clip of Crowboroughs latest CPSO addressing a joint Wealden and East Sussex County Council meeting on the green last summer.The last frame shows a brief shot of the elusive Mr Martin Fitzgerald of ESCC.


Tuesday, 1 December 2009

East Sussex County Council.




I am thinking of having a regular article on East Sussex County Council.

So much crap comes out of this organisation that there seems a never ending supply of stories that show ESCC up for the twats that they are.

Martin Fitzgerald the so called communications manager has said in the local paper that "East Sussex County Council is holding a reception for councillors, guests and partners from business, education and voluntary sectors".
This was part of the story about how councils are not having staff festive celebrations paid for by the taxpayer this year.Now excuse me but what is wrong with the staff paying for their own christmas party-when did it become acceptable for us to pay for their christmas jolly.
As for Mr Fitzgerald (communications manager) why dont you communicate your best wishes by sending your "partners" a christmas card paid for out of your inflated salary.
These cunts seem to think that they have a right to pilfer public funds in order to "network" for their own benefit.

See original article.

Friday, 20 November 2009

England My England




Goodbye to my England, so long my old friend
Your days are numbered, being brought to an end
To be Scottish, Irish or Welsh that's fine
But don't say you're English, that's way out of line.

The French and the Germans may call themselves such
So may Norwegians, the Swedes and the Dutch
You can say you are Russian or maybe a Dane
But don't say you're English ever again.

At Broadcasting House the word is taboo
In Brussels it's scrapped, in Parliament too
Even schools are affected, staff do as they're told
They must not teach children about England of old.

Writers like Shakespeare, Milton and Shaw
The pupils don't learn about them anymore
How about Agincourt, Hastings, Arnhem or Mons?
When England lost hosts of her very brave sons.

We are not Europeans, how can we be?
Europe is miles away, over the sea
We're the English from England, let's all be proud
Stand up and be counted............shout it out loud!

Let's tell our Government and Brussels too
We're proud of our heritage and the Red, White and Blue
Fly the flag of Saint George or the Union Jack
Let the world know....WE WANT OUR ENGLAND BACK !!!

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Crowborough Town Council-Undemocratic sham.

Above you can see the picture of one of our town councillors (Leigh Colbran).

A representative of the people of Crowborough voted for by the people of Crowborough you would think.

This democratically elected representative has been appointed chairman of the communications and events comittee presumably because she is the best "person" for the job.

When I looked up the last town council election results I am left in some doubt whether Leigh is actually an elected Town Councillor at all.

Look at the results detailed below.



Crowborough Town Council - Crowborough North Ward
Candidate
Leigh COLBRAN

357 votes

8.88% Not Elected


So there you have it -someone who only got 8.88% of the vote and not elected somehow manages to be appointed as a councillor.

Perhaps someone could enlighten me how this can be democratic .

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

F##k off Hackerman.


Some naughty person has been trying to hack into my hot mail account.


I am not sure what interest my e mails would be to anyone especially as I delete all the interesting ones after reading .


All in all it was a pretty pathetic attempt and someday I may well track down the person /organisation responsible as I am sure there must be a law against it.There seems to be a law against everything else these days.


As someone is keen to know more about me I have posted an updated picture above to help them identify me .


Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Sussex Police Authority




Does anyone think its strange that Sussex Police Authority is registered as a company with companies house?

Does anyone think its equally strange that they have an unresolved CCJ judgement against them?

No! good-thats all right then.

I also think its pretty strange that Sussex police authority swallowed £237,000,000 for the year 2007/2008.What do they spend all this lovely wonga on I hear you ask.
It seems that we are funding 3118 proper coppers and 2420 useless PCSOs .Some town councils fund their own PCSOs so the ratio of PCSO to proper coppers could be 1:1 which is pretty disturbing.In Crowborough the Police rely on the PCSOs and then moan they havnt got enough manpower to deal with real crime issues.Perhaps if the powers that be decided to abolish the post of PCSO and use the money saved to employ more proper coppers they would then have sufficient manpower to Police the towns effectively 24hrs a day.This will never happen though because the PCSOs are useful for all the little social engineering jobs that help community cohesion or some such bollocks.

Click here for info.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

ESCC and Goebells unlikely bedfellows.




Have a look at the following extract from an official document from ESCC .Although its about deer deaths you can get some idea of the mindset of the council.As stated before the council is obsessed about being seen in a good light.Stories are released to tame journalists(hello Newsquest)so that the council has control over what is being published which is not always the same as the truth.The most disturbing part of it is the continual reference to the Police.

In general terms, East Sussex County Council will
take the lead on media handling. However,
information flow between partners must be high and
Sussex Police should be alerted to any response
given to the media
Media relations:
1. We will keep target journalists fully informed
by issuing standard press releases and
offering suitable news and feature stories
linked to the scheme’s key messages (see
below for a full list of key messages)

A second extract is seen below which clearly mentions changing peoples behaviour and perception and countering any negative media comments.

Required outcome
(change in perception
and/or behaviour)
1. To inform drivers of the actions they need to
take if they see a dead or injured deer on
any road in East Sussex
2. To ensure stakeholders are fully briefed on
the background and aims of the scheme
3. Maintain general public support by keeping
them informed about the scheme
4. Counter any negative media about the
scheme

Having read it perhaps one of the frequent visitors(4 this morning) from ESCC could explain why the council should spend time and money glorifying their own stupid ideas and using propaganda (lies if you like) to brainwash the public into believing they are doing something worthwhile.


Nazi propaganda chief Joseph Goebbels was the master of the “big lie” tactic in which a lie, no matter how outrageous, is repeated often enough that it will eventually be accepted as truth. Goebbels explained:

If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.

Another couple of quotes from WW2 that may apply.

"tracers work both ways"

"heavy flak indicates that you are near the target"

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

East Sussex County Council .




I made sure I finished work early today to attend the war memorial at 11am in order to remember those that died to preserve our freedoms.I wonder what those people who fought in 2 world wars would think about the creeping police state and erosion of personal freedoms that we have to put up with in this country under Mc dooms socialist darien government.
Gordon Brown showed his true (yellow) colours when he refused to bow his head in respect at the cenotaph and then went on to argue about his spelling with a poor lady that had lost her son in the shithole that is Afghanistan.
I came home and had lunch whilst checking my e mails and web traffic to discover that some piece of shit in East Sussex County Council (194.140.226.#)was monitoring my site between 10.30am until gone 11.00am.I think you all see where I am going on this but I will spell it anyway.This cunt was wanking off (metaphorically I hope)
over the contents of this blog when he/she should have been doing something more useful (slitting his/her wrists would be a good start).Worse than that though is the fact that when most people are remembering our war dead this vermin was fucking around on the internet at the taxpayers expense.You see nothing must stand in the way of monitoring and controlling the populace not even 2 minutes silence to remember those that fought to preserve the very same freedoms that Mr/Mrs snooper from ESCC are trying to destroy.
Wait for the reply from someone saying something along the lines of " i came across your blog by accident blah blah blah ESCC are great,you are wrong and I am more intelligent than you blah blah blah " .

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

East Sussex County Council Part 2




Had an interesting email from a person who knows someone who works for ESCC.

Its common knowledge that all councils including ESCC have a group of people paid to monitor the press to make sure no one goes "off message".Councils only like to read about how wonderful they are and what a great service they provide.Most of the editors of the local papers are compliant and only print articles that will meet with
approval from the local politburo.Blogs are also monitored but cannot be controlled in the same way that the local press can be and the powers that be do not like it one bit.We all know that Brown had his own henchmen (Mc Bride and Draper)that would not hesitate to smear people if it meant political gain.Who would have thought though that Councils play the same game and are not adverse to a bit of smearing themselves including encouraging bloggers to break the law and then drop them in the shit in order to silence them.

Mandelson orders you not to read this.



Written by Mr J Clarkson before being censored by Peter Fondlebum.

I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I’m afraid I’ve decided that it’s no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I’m afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until he isn’t alive any more.
He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be allowed into the country’s top universities even if they have 4,000 A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leapt

I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn’t bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the way he quite literally lords it over us even though he’s resigned in disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now seem to be taking leave of their senses.

There’s talk of emigration in the air. It’s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can’t see the point because she won’t be going to university, because she doesn’t have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don’t live in America.

Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can’t stand the constant raids on their wallets and their privacy. They can’t understand why they are taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the nation’s capital. They can’t understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can’t understand anything. They see the Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and nothing can be done because it’s racist.

And they see Alistair Darling handing over £4,350 of their money to not sort out the banking crisis that he doesn’t understand because he’s a small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and they think, “I’ve had enough of this. I’m off.”

It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?

You can’t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can’t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, and you can’t go to Italy because you’ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse’s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for “organising” a plumber.

You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to New Zealand because they don’t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can’t go to Monte Carlo because they don’t accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can’t go to Spain because you’re not called Del and you weren’t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can’t go to Germany ... because you just can’t.

The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can’t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.

Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country that doesn’t help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt. But wherever you go you’ll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the wheel.

I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture circuit.

So actually I do see a reason to be miserable. Which is why I think it’s a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit. onto in the meantime.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

East Sussex County Council.




I would like to welcome the visitor from East Sussex County Council who dropped in for a few minutes at 8.56am.I was initially a bit worried that a naughty person in ESCC might be using the internet for private use whilst being paid to do something (anything) in return for the copious amounts of money we give them.I need not have worried though because the staff at ESCC dont start work until 10.30 (just in time for a tea break).11.00am a quick meeting to discuss diversity and equality shit then early lunch at 11.30 till 2.30.In the afternoon they get down to what they do best.
Afternoon is always set aside to "how can we waste as much taxpayers money as possible" whilst thinking up hairbrained schemes.Afternoon tea break is followed swiftly by going home (flexi time).So There you go I dont want anyone to get the impression that ESCC employees are lazy good for nothing parasites that wouldnt recognise a proper job if it bit them on their fat backsides.
I now look forward to the usual anonymong comments that I dont know what I am talking about and what right have you got to slag us off when you know nothing about the inner workings of Local Government.Well actually anonymongtard I am paying the wages of these people and therefore that makes me the boss and them the servant.
Local Authority parasites seem to think this is not the case and the public must do what they are told and think what they are told to think or else.This is why you get people employed by the taxpayer surfing the internet during work times reading blogs like this so they can throw their hands up and be offended.You can almost hear the drones flicking through the RIPA regulations to see if there is anything they can do to stifle dissent.My advise is dont bother -its still a free country (just) and until sharia law is implemented we are all free to speak freely about anything we like.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~update~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ESCC 194.140.226.# visited at 11:25:35 am .

psops.net visited at 11:44:38 am .

Get back to work you lazy bastards.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Sussex Police Authority.




Is it any wonder why Sussex Police are so useless when they have people like this running it.

The bottom picture is of the Assistant Chief Constable no less who has raked up 24 years in the Police without doing anything of note at all.I think it would not be unkind to say that his knowledge of Policing does not extend beyond the doors of his office.He is definitely a paid up member of the shiny arsed brigade that has made a career out of avoiding the nasty business of actually Policing by meeting the people who pay his wages.
The top picture is of some useless individual whose name escapes me but has managed to wangle the position of chairman of the Police Authority.The words useless,scruffy,hippy,lefty springs to mind when I see his picture.

The authority is made up of the not great and definitely not good of Sussex society.If you could imagine a meeting of the gay and lesbian society of the local social services department you will have a good idea how crap the authority is.
You cant get the minutes of their meetings but I have obtained a summary below.

Blah blah blah diversity
Blah blah blah engagement
Blah Blah blah ethnic minorities
Blah blah blah muslims are really great.
Blah blah blah Im useless and pig ugly
Blah blah blah Alcohol is evil because my muslim pals say so.
Blah blah blah Im a lesbian with a chip on my shoulder
etc etc

Stretch this shit out for 2 hours and then play it back at a quarter speed and you will have some idea of the calibre of the meetings.Is it any wonder really that Sussex Police are useless when they have these absolute cretins in charge.Not one of those that attend the meetings have ever had a proper job(including the rossers).They all seem to be common purpose PC drones who cant think or speak up for themselves.
If you want to know more and identify some of the individual members then click here

Come the revolution there isnt going to be enough lamposts and piano wire for all these "useful idiots".

Sunday, 18 October 2009

Jenson Button F1 champion.



Well done to Brawn and Jenson Button.

Slight problems



We have been experiencing slight computer problems and apologise for the loss of your service.
In truth my PC went into meltdown after a windows update.

Have just managed to get back online but my system software rebuild continues.

Saturday, 3 October 2009

Choose your marxist indocrination centre with care.


Its time for parents of children coming to the end of primary school to start thinking about secondary schools for Sept 2010.As residents of this fair town knows we have a commie unity college in Crowborough which takes its role as an indocrination centre seriously.Most parents (lazily in my opinion) just send their children there because its local and after all it cant be as bad as some people say can it.
Well actually folks the truth is that it is worse than most people say.Bullying is rife and all the pupils are brought down to the level of the disruptive shits that dont want to learn anything.Pupils that try to work hard are looked down on by the other pupils and the teaching staff do nothing to encourage good behaviour and good academic work.The window lickers group is the most important thing to the staff because they get lots of lovely wonga for helping so called disadvantaged shits.
It doesnt matter if there are not many window lickers in the school because they will identify children who can be turned into a window licker or little shit by a bit of indoctrination no problem.I know someone who had a child go to Beacon after leaving primary school with lots of potential and glowing reports.After a few years at Beacon this promising pupil had been labelled as having ishooos and put into the windowlickers group.In no time at all a promising pupil had been turned into a child with pound signs on their head.Connexions,social services,youth workers all line up to get their pound of flesh out of another victim that they created.In short this pupil left secondary school knowing less that they did when they left primary school
a model hard working pupil.
So listen people of Crowborough and anywhere else for that matter for a bit of free advice.
Always listen to what other people say about schools because the rumours are nearly always correct.Best advice is never put your child in the local school just because its the nearest-if you can try to get your child into a Grammar School(if available) as they are better than the (bottom of the barrel) comprehensives by a country mile.Even if your child doesnt get through the test(old 11+) then find a good
secondary school that has a good reputation within the community.Sadly despite being called a community college beacon is not one you should consider unless you want to
fuck up your childs education and life prospects once and for all.

Friday, 2 October 2009

Quick news of the week.


Gordon Brown-Raving lunatic who is not standing down or on drugs(yeah right).
Peter Fondlebum-lying chump.
Sun-Goodbye Liebore.
Union Leaders-Cunts.
Ed Milliband-Torn new arse.
Ed Balls-Cunt.
Democracy at work-Ireland votes and votes again until they vote the right way.
Phoney Tony-El Presidente of Eussr (maybe).

In summary we are fucked but gorgon and his marxist government of retards are going to be fucked back to the stone age and its going to be a sight to behold.The implosion has started but the best is yet to come

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Im feeling intolerant today.


I used to be reasonably tolerant of peoples views and opinions up to a point.As I have reached middle age I am getting more and more intolerant of cunts that think their opinions and world view are the only ones that count and if you dont agree with them then you must be racist,homophobic etc etc.Socialists/communists/marxists are always ready to label people that do not conform with their PC mindset.Im not really sure what these halfwit twats think it will achieve.I hate these twats but it does not bother me if they call me any of these names because it just proves that they have no argument to present to back up their weird views .
The same thing applies to global warming/climate change which I happen to think is a total load of bollocks thought up by idiots to justify taking even more of our hard earned money from us.I have never met anyone in real life that believes this bunkum but people post anon posts telling me I am a heretic because I dont believe .

Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion but the thought that by insulting me it will make any difference to my beliefs shows them up for the retards they surely are.

For example.

In response to a post I get some cunt posting this in reply.

Anonymous 212.139.123 said
your a fucking bnp pedo arnt you , dirty fucking child rapist.

24 September 2009 19:14

Well in reply to that Mr Anon I will say this.I respect your views and your right to free speech but if I ever come across you face to face I will ram a dictionary down your throat with the aid of a baseball bat (no offence like).

Laugh in the face of adversity.



We all need something to cheer us up at the moment.The economy is in crash mode,gorgon b is even more insane than we thought and the whole political process has been discredited by troughing MPs and Lords.The one thing that they cant take from the English is our sense of humour so read and enjoy folks.

Letters to VIZ magazine

* Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond

* What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.

* Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's minge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P Boddington, Ringway

* Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us. Close call, Yours

* What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight.

* I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.

* WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.

* Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk, but McDonalds continue serving them fat fcukers? Its hardly fair.

* Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius

* The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.

* They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.

* If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Glasgow received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?

* These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down

* We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and p!ssed off, first to France , then North Africa , Italy , France (again) and finally Germany . The shame will always be with us.

* Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe. Werner Hoffman, Munich .

* I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to.

* Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore.

* So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either.

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Taking the P#ss.

The Urine test
This was written by a rig worker in the North Sea - What he says makes a lot of sense!

I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to earn that pay cheque, I work on a rig for a drilling
contractor. I am required to pass a random urine test or drugs and alcohol, with which I have no problem.


What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a benefits cheque because I have to pass one to earn it for them?


Please understand that I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do on the other hand have a problem with helping someone sit on their arse drinking beer and smoking dope.

Could you imagine how much money the government would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a benefit cheque?

Sunday, 6 September 2009

My answer to climate change.


Starting a new business venture which I hope will be a big success.I was discussing with my young son what car we should get if the money starts coming in as planned.
After a bit of thinking it was decided that we would get the above car simply because it has a huge fuck off V8 with the carbon footprint of who gives a shit.We concluded that any car that pisses of all the climate change nutters has got to be the car for us.So if you are in East Sussex and you see a car like the one above it will be me doing my best to prevent the next ice age.

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

NSPCC lying again.


One in three teenage girls in Britain is sexually abused by their boyfriend, while a quarter are physically assaulted, a new report has revealed.More than 1,300 youngsters aged 13 to 17 took part in the survey for the report on abusive teenage relationships.Researchers from the University of Bristol supported by the NSPCC and Big Lottery Fund aimed to find out the incidence and impact of teen partner violence.They found nearly nine out of 10 girls have been in an intimate relationship.Of these, one in six said they had been pressured into having sex, while one in 16 said they had been raped.
What a total load of cock this is on so many levels.For a start dont believe anything that involves the NSPCC because it is nothing more than a fake government funded charity thats sole job is to push the Nu Liebor anti male,anti white,anti British agenda personified by Brown and that bitch Harman.
Secondly dont believe a word of what 13 to 17 year old tell you.If asked especially by some lezzer social worker type all the boys will say they are having sex 5 times a day with a Swedish nympho whilst taking drugs and drinking 15 pints of stella every day.The girls will tell that they have had sex unintentionally with 20+ males whilst drinking 20 slammers a day and taking industrial quantities of drugs.Teenagers lie about everything and anything so any stupid twat asking them questions and expecting a straight answer is retarded in the extreme.
The survey was carried out on 1300 youngsters(not picked at random) who responded because they had (according to them)suffered violence in a relationship.The numpties at the NSPCC have extrapolated the results from this tiny biased sample to somehow relate to the whole teenage population.
Its like asking people who smoke to take part in a survey and then publish that 9 out of 10 people smoke more than 10 cigarettes a day.Total bollocks but of course the governments propaganda wing aka the BBC have jumped on this and I would put my last penny that in a few days time bitch harman will be announcing another crap initiative in order to keep the evil males of the species where they belong which according to her is 6 ft under.

Thursday, 27 August 2009

Labour scum are coming again.


The good folk of Sussex are in the main sensible down to Earth types that tolerate all sorts of people in their county.That hypocritical socialist bitch polly toynbee has a 2nd or is it 3rd house in Lewes and no one has yet petrol bombed it.
There are 2 groups of people that this tolerance is not extended to.Both groups descend on places causing disruption and chaos -they both are outside the normal rules of society and seem immune to prosecution.Once gone the local residents have to cope with destruction of all they hold dear and have to face a huge bill to clean up after these 2 primary scum groups.
The first of these groups is of course the pikeys-hated the length and breadth of this county but beloved by the wankers in the council and the even bigger wankers in Sussex (lets get buggered)Police.
The second group is hated even worse than the pikeys.
Again the only people that support these scum bags are the wankers in the council and the bigger wankers in the Sussex(lets get buggered)Police.
Yes ladies and gentlemen its time for martial law to be imposed in Brighton because Gordon Brown and his bunch of Marxist placemen are coming to town.Why these cunts choose to come to sunny Brighton is a mystery to me because I have yet to meet anyone in Sussex who would like to do anything less than boil the whole lot in boiling lead .It does however give the wankers supposedly protecting us from crime an opportunity to flex their muscles in front of their beloved leaders .Nothing will be too much for Sussex police in order to avoid any nastiness like the socialist scum actually coming into contact with the general public.Huge swathes of the South Coast will be cordoned off in order to protect their great leader from being told that he is a one eyed Scottish cunt that should fuck off back to Scotland and die.
Whilst half the police force are beating up pensioners , arresting people wearing t shirts and generally shooting anyone they see fit the rest of the county has to rely on those turds in uniforms PCSOs in order to keep us safe.
Pikeys and Labour scum-different cheek same arse

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Clued-Up. Info Crowborough

Picture above is

1)The town mayor Cllr Kay Moss.
2)The town councils representative with Clued Up.
3)Trustee of Clued Up.
4)Employee of East Sussex County Council at Beacon School.

Nothing wrong with that you may say but bear in mind that Clued Up youth indoctrination centre gets thousands of pounds of taxpayers money through the town council and east sussex county council.Also Peter Hans Swann is a trustee of clued up as well as head teacher of Beacon and employer to Kay Moss.

What a tangled web they weave.


Extract from last council meeting.

Representatives to outside organisations
The Town Mayor confirmed that Beacon College is happy to accept two Town Council representatives for Clued-up, therefore herself and Anita Kerwin-Nye are those representatives.


It seems that Beacon college(Peter Hans Swann) calls the shots as far as Clued Up goes now.



What is going on here?There seems an unhealthy link between Clued Up(youth indocrination centre),beacon crap community college,east sussex CC and the councillors on the town council.What exactly are they all getting from this?Well the answer is I dont know but I do know that the taxpayers of Crowborough are paying huge sums of money so these people can swan around(no pun intended) acting like the council tax is intended to further their careers and keep their profiles up like the self important idiots that they clearly are.

Crowborough Town Councillor.


My first profile of one of the local Councillors features Ex Mayor (it was his turn) Councillor Neil Waller.
I have mixed opinions about Mr Waller due to the fact that he stood up and said what he thought to people regardless of the consequences.He upset the town clerk whilst he was Mayor and was dragged in front of the standards committee of Wealden Council.I admire him for his stand for free speech but recently he seems to be keeping his head down and towing the official line on everything.Since his appearance in front of the Wealden Standards star chamber he has disappeared off the public radar sadly.It seems that both Wealden and Crowborough Town Council do not tolerate anyone going "off message" and any hint of non PC thoughts (non common purpose thoughts more like)are crushed and the thought criminal is then assimilated back into the hive.
Scores on the doors
Free Speech 8/10
Backbone 7/10
Staying Power 3/10
Integrity 6/10
Common purpose rating 2/10 (the higher the rating the more likely to be common purpose)
Wanker Ranking 3/10 (the higher the wanker rating the bigger the wanker)
So in summary-Has done well in the past but is failing to live up to his early promise.

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Dan Hannan.



Since Dan Hannan ripped Gorgon a new one at the European Parliament he is a top man in my book.

Listen to this speech he gave to the Americans its brilliant.His speeches are always interesting and really shows up Brown for the autistic twat that he is.




Hat Tip LPUK

Monday, 17 August 2009

Crowborough Councillors.


To liven things up a bit I thought I would choose a councillor (Wealden,Town Council or ESCC)each month and do a little article about them in my own style.

If anyone wants to nominate a particular local politico then e mail me and let me know.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

Air Ambulance over Crowborough.


Been away to a far flung area of the country where they dont seemed to have grasped WiFi so I have been without internet access.


Came back to find that I had stirred up a hornets nest over the accident in Whitehill Road and the Sussex Air Ambulance.


Some crappy forum site has been whipping up the retards of Crowborough into a frenzy over what I said.To recap I stated that it was a waste of the Air Ambulances time to airlift someone with "non life threatening injuries"to a hospital in Essex! when it would have been quicker to go by Ambulance to the Kent and Sussex 10 minutes driving time away.If anyone can prove that I am wrong I will gladly apologise .Unfortunately the retards of Crowborough only seem to be able to read a couple of words at a time and cant understand those unless its written in txt spk or some such bollocks.

Some twat then went on to suggest that riding a moped into a parked car at 30 mph was entirely normal and the rider had nuffink to do wiv it and it was the parked car that was to blame.

No one seems to realise that we all have to take the consequences of our actions.If we get hurt while doing something stupid then there is no one else to blame but ourselves.I notice all the critics couldnt bring themselves to say thank you to the pilot and crew of the helicopter that came to the casualties assistance.Perhaps they could all do something useful like raising money for the air ambulance rather than ranting over what I said.


Click here http://www.sussexairambulance.co.uk/ to make a donation and put your money where your collective mouths are (innit wickid).



Friday, 7 August 2009

Dont believe a word of it.


For my sins I listen to Radio 2 whilst driving around during the day.
I like listening to the music without the interruption of adverts.
What annoys me though is the crap they present as the news every day.I end up shouting at the radio as if the cunt at the other end can hear me.
Examples of the excrement that has passed as news are as follows.
A story about E Coli kept mentioning the "virus infection".Now excuse me but when did E Coli transmogrify from a bacteria to a virus.Any half wit with half a brain can "google it" if not sure but the twat from the BBC repeated this blatant error every fucking 30 mins.
A story about the funeral of the last tommy from WW1 took place according to the BBC in the town of Wells in Somerset.Well the last time I looked Wells was a city ( a small city with a lovely Cathedral granted).
Do they not check any facts before broadcasting this shit.
What really sent me over the edge today was a story about how ancient Britons were cannibals because someone found a human bone with scratch marks on it.The lefty twat reading this out revelled in the fact that some of our ancestors were savages and cannibals.Right at the end it was stated that this was not proof of canabalism in itself and they could have just stripped the flesh from the bodies of the dead to aid decomposition and the bones were dated to about 8000 years ago!!!.
I wish the righteous cunts in the Common Purpose BBC news department would at least get their story straight.For years we have been told by these self same people that there are no proper British people as we are a mongrel race made up of wave after wave of foriegn invaders(total bollocks of course).We are now told that ancient Britons lived here 8000 years ago.In order for us not to feel proud that our ancestors have lived in these islands for over 8000 years the BBC have to make up this story that they were savages that indulged in cannibalism.
The truth is somewhat different in that these people were not savages but sophisticated hunter gatherers.The BBC are an integral part of the negative media war against Britishness and Englishness .We should all be proud that the roots of our country stretch back from neolithic times to about 12 years ago when New Stasi Labour began its policy of destroying this country and rewriting history.
The truth is (not that the BBC will say it) that neolithic man was probably more advanced than we think and more advanced than some African tribes that live today as hunter gatherers.As for the aboriginies well they had the vast expanse of Australia to themselves for thousands of years and they only managed to haul themselves out of neolithic living about 25o years ago some 7ooo years after the ancient Britons.

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Wealden Council .


Its bad enough having a lib dum councillor representing the ward that you live in but you do expect them to spell correctly.


Councillor Plain Jane Clark
More information about this councillor
Attendance record
Declarations at meetings
Contact information
Home Address: ........................................CrowboroughEast SussexTN6 3SJ
Phone: 01892 ######
Fax: 01892 ######
Appointments to outside bodies

Helicopter over Crowborough.


The Air Ambulance was flying low(and I mean low) over Crowborough yesterday.

The reason? Some idiot on a moped crashed into a parked car on Whitehill Road.

Although the person had serious but not life threatening injuries they were flown to a hospital in Essex

Is this really good use of a helicopter when they could have been transferred to the Kent and Sussex by ambulance quicker than flying to Essex.Not only that but flying a helicopter low over houses is hazardous to say the least.I do hope the person responsible for the accident has the decency to apologise and go on to raise money for the Air Ambulance for wasting their time and taking it from other duties that are more deserving.
Still the advantage is thats one less chain saw on wheels on the road and one less idiot .

Monday, 3 August 2009


Weather forecast not entirely accurate.


Just in case you all forgot according to the Courier back in May we are now in the middle of a dry hot summer.

County gears up for summer heatwave
Friday, May 29, 2009, 15:00

EAST Sussex is in for a heatwave this summer – which is great news for businesses and tourist attractions in the county which are gearing up for a bumper season.

Meteorologists issued their long-range forecast for June, July and August and predicted temperatures to exceed 30C this summer.

The Met Office also said to expect near or below-average rainfall which make it unlikely there would be a repeat of the wet summers of 2007 and 2008

Common Purpose





Wonder why nothing works properly any more.

Despite all the bollocks about strategic partnerships blah blah blah from local and national government everything turns to shit and nothing gets done.

Take the Crowborough community facility as an example.Loads of talking by the people we expect to know what they are doing but all that happens is more money is swallowed up into a huge black hole never to be seen again.Projects such as this are just an excuse for people in the know to skim money off here and there.Contracts are given to friends of friends and we (the taxpayers) end up paying for it all.This hall is not needed or wanted but the politicos insist that it goes ahead because it gives them the chance to earn a "drink" for themselves(wink wink).
A hall that could have been built for half a million is going to cost us £3.5 million.Where is the "spare" 3 million going?.Bungs,drinks etc etc whatever you like to call it goes on because the political process has been corrupted from top to bottom by organisations like Common Purpose.Instead of serving the public councillors are now serving themselves and their common purpose buddies.Sod the public whats important to the politicians at all levels is power and money.
After watching the short clip above look up Brian Gerrish and see what is really going on in town halls up and down the country.

Do you believe that Crowborough is immune from this ?.Several people in the town have their fingers in many pies or partnerships as they are called in Common Purpose Britain 2009,are they doing it for the public good or for their own good.These bastards need weeding out and removed from the political process.We need to start again with a clean sheet and get back to people doing JUST what they are supposed to do.There is no reason why a principal(headteacher) should be spending time he should be using to run his school to do a bit on the side running dodgy charities extorting more money from the taxpayers.Nor should they be indoctrinating their pupils with blah blah blah global warming bollocks or blah blah blah diversity bollock.Is this all part of a plan to undermine society or is the country going down the tubes "by accident".

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Afghanistan


Despite the casualties the British Military are doing what they do best in Afghanistan.We should all be proud of these brave individuals who are fighting in this conflict.Millipede and Brown pants say that it is vital to national security that our soldiers remain.What the Politicians dont say is our troops are dying because of political interfering in this conflict.Our troops are suffering because a lack of helicopters , second rate armoured transport etc etc.What the politicos dont realise is that this conflict is unwinnable under current circumstances.Unless the Armed Forces are allowed to fight the Taliban as they see fit and with the best equipment available there are going to be a lot more casualties like we saw this week.Our European Nato allies are standing back and letting the UK,USA and Canada do all the dirty work while their soldiers do nothing.There seems to be no exit strategy -I think now is the time to consider pulling our troops out and letting our "brave European Allies take over".The politicians caused this mess but they dont have a clue what to do.Our Troops are getting killed and that bastard coward brown doesnt even have the decency to send someone to be there when the bodies come home.


Support Help for Heroes http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/ and dont forget the troops homecoming march through Tunbridge Wells this friday.

Sunday, 12 July 2009

Wealden Council secrets they dont want you to know.





Thanks to anon for the idea of communicating in the language of the country whose flag is shown above.The following is very interesting especially the bit about the Chief Exec.

Работники совету Wealden не должны расточительствовать их время переводя это. Вы все отход налогоплательщиков дег и кислорода

Руководитель отказал вс неправильные делать. Осел полно брал.

Oh и получите, что назад работать вы ленивые дерьма.

Friday, 10 July 2009

Wealden spastic development options explained.


Just had my little booklet from WDC asking for comments on their Local Development Framework crap.They want our opinions on the various spastic development options.All this can be done online if you wish.I checked it out and found out its the biggest pile of bollocks I have ever read.Dont these people speak English.

Having waded through it the options seem somewhat limited.The option seems to be that they are going to concrete over most of East Sussex its just a question of which town do you want them to start in.Strangely there doesnt seem to be an option of "dont build any more houses as we dont need them and dont want them".It seems to make no difference whether the Council is Lib Dum or Conservative(we dont do Nu Labour nazi scum round here) run the people working for them remain the same and they all seem to be semi literate,management speaking common purpose graduate retards.
By the way the above pictures shows the progress of the new Community Facility in Crowborough.

Wealden Council ,joke,are,a (rearrange these words)


1)A funeral director gets a call saying a council employee has died at Wealden District Council HQ and could they come and collect the body.

He tells his partner he won't be long as its only down the road.

5 hours pass before he returns. His partner asked, "where the hell have you been?"

He replied, "it was a fucking nightmare I had to wait till they all left for lunch to see which one was dead."


2)What `s the difference between an ostrich and a council tax collector ?

Nothing !!

They can both stick their bills up their arses .