News n Jokes

1. Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, its all tongue and groove...

2. A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say its definitely race related...

3. Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8...

4. I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency...

5. The lead actor in the local Pantomime production of Aladdin was raped, by the gay genie on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Not winterval,holidays,xmas or any other multicultural bollocks but good old Christian Christ Mass.

What to do on a plane if the passenger next to you is irritating:

Remove your lap top from its bag
Open the laptop slowly and carefully
Turn on
Ensure the passenger next to you is watching
Turn on the Internet ( I know that it is not according to airline rules but do it anyway)
Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your gaze upwards
to the skies as if in prayer

Take a deep breath and open this site (press on the link)

http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html

Observe the facial expression of your neighbouring passenger

Jobcentre.

I have just looked on the Jobcentre website to do a jobsearch for a relative who has just lost their job.Rather than using the Jobcentre website to do the search you are redirected to a shite site called Directgov Jobs and skills search.Say what you will about the old Jobcentre jobsearch but at least it was user friendly and quick to search which cant be said for the new site.
The new site looks simpler than the old system but takes ages to do any searches.I started a search before writing this and it has only just come up with the results.Typically the Government has seen fit to "improve" something only to cock it up completely.No doubt Crapita or some other contractor has made a mint out of selling the taxpaying public a system that they think looks good(not my opinion) but does everything poorly.This could be a metaphor for modern Britains public services-overpriced but crap.Someone who commented on a previous post summed it up perfectly
"Due to letting the multi-headed Hydra of local government get rampantly out of control for so many years, you're going to be facing meagre US levels of services for astronomical Scandanavian levels of taxation."

Update

When I checked the results of my search that took so long to appear it became clear that the search facility is rubbish.I asked for a particular type of job within a reasonable distance of Tunbridge Wells and the first result of many unsuitable jobs was based in
Lewisham FFS.Thanks DWP now I know why many people refer to you as the Department of Wankers and Pillocks .That ladyboy Mrs Balls seems to be in charge now so what else can we expect,Balls by name Balls by nature.

Speed Camera bombed.

Police were today hunting the person who blew up a yellow roadside camera, leaving parts strewn across a road in Eastleigh, Hampshire.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1239149/Police-hunt-motorist-blew-speed-camera-BOMB.html#ixzz0b7OJzgV9

Give the man a medal and an invite to East Sussex.Cameras are just revenue raising devices and have never had anything to do with road safety.The worm has finally turned.

Sussex Scamera Partnership WEBSITE HERE.

East Sussex County Council -waste of space.

I know drones from East Sussex County Cretins read this so I have some important news for them in the hope that someone will be able to tear themselves away from their taxpayer funded tea and biscuits long enough to actually do something useful.
The message is quite simple and easy for normal people to understand (oh I can see a problem already).If the cretins have a problem digesting the information then please feel free to copy this and pass on to all that may be effected.
The important message is as follows.

IT IS GOING TO SNOW AGAIN WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK!!!!!

See that wasnt too difficult was it-all you need to do now is to get off your fat arses and actually arrange for ALL the roads of E Sussex to be salted. To explain that means all the roads not just the priority routes that they have decided which strangely enough coincides with areas the senior staff of ESCC live like dicksville and twats crossing.

If I have to do their job again and clear all the roads around Swing towers like I did last time I will be sending them a hefty bill to cover my time and inconvenience.

Wealden Council value your views (as long as they agree with theirs).

The Wealden Panel is made up of 1,100 residents from across the District who are representative in terms of age, ethnicity and gender. The residents' panel will be consulted regularly on local issues. Panel members' views will inform future policy and decisions about services.
In order to maintain a panel that is as representative of the District's population as possible, it will not be possible to volunteer to join the panel. However, the 'Have your say' page on our website highlights a range of opportunities for responding to Wealden's consultations.

This is an extract from the Wealden Council website about local residents having their say on Council services.The second paragraph says it all really that they rig the panel so that they always get the result they want.This is not consultation this is just information manipulation so that the council can say what a brilliant job they are doing and look at all these residents that agree.What they dont mention is that this panel is populated by placemen and local authority window lickers.Most residents will never get an opportunity to have their say because their views dont coincide with the approved newspeak shit that pours out of the council on a daily basis.
Wealden is always harping on about diversity and equality bollocks so how does the panel selection sit with this...

"The aim of the Wealden Equality Scheme is to set out how we will ensure that all our services and employment opportunities are provided with equity and fairness to everyone."

Once again its the old "we value diversity but if you have different views to us you can fuck off " ploy so favoured by the local authority twats we have running the local area.

East Sussex County Councils Common Purpose.

I had an interesting e mail about Common Purpose working within East Sussex County Council.
For anyone who thinks that Common Purpose is a training charity watch this.

Choose your marxist indocrination centre with care.

Its time for parents of children coming to the end of primary school to start thinking about secondary schools for Sept 2010.As residents of this fair town knows we have a commie unity college in Crowborough which takes its role as an indocrination centre seriously.Most parents (lazily in my opinion) just send their children there because its local and after all it cant be as bad as some people say can it.
Well actually folks the truth is that it is worse than most people say.Bullying is rife and all the pupils are brought down to the level of the disruptive shits that dont want to learn anything.Pupils that try to work hard are looked down on by the other pupils and the teaching staff do nothing to encourage good behaviour and good academic work.The window lickers group is the most important thing to the staff because they get lots of lovely wonga for helping so called disadvantaged shits.
It doesnt matter if there are not many window lickers in the school because they will identify children who can be turned into a window licker or little shit by a bit of indoctrination no problem.I know someone who had a child go to Beacon after leaving primary school with lots of potential and glowing reports.After a few years at Beacon this promising pupil had been labelled as having ishooos and put into the windowlickers group.In no time at all a promising pupil had been turned into a child with pound signs on their head.Connexions,social services,youth workers all line up to get their pound of flesh out of another victim that they created.In short this pupil left secondary school knowing less that they did when they left primary school
a model hard working pupil.
So listen people of Crowborough and anywhere else for that matter for a bit of free advice.
Always listen to what other people say about schools because the rumours are nearly always correct.Best advice is never put your child in the local school just because its the nearest-if you can try to get your child into a Grammar School(if available) as they are better than the (bottom of the barrel) comprehensives by a country mile.Even if your child doesnt get through the test(old 11+) then find a good
secondary school that has a good reputation within the community.Sadly despite being called a community college beacon is not one you should consider unless you want to
fuck up your childs education and life prospects once and for all.

Quick news of the week.

Gordon Brown-Raving lunatic who is not standing down or on drugs(yeah right).
Peter Fondlebum-lying chump.
Sun-Goodbye Liebore.
Union Leaders-Cunts.
Ed Milliband-Torn new arse.
Ed Balls-Cunt.
Democracy at work-Ireland votes and votes again until they vote the right way.
Phoney Tony-El Presidente of Eussr (maybe).

In summary we are fucked but gorgon and his marxist government of retards are going to be fucked back to the stone age and its going to be a sight to behold.The implosion has started but the best is yet to come

Who is a hoon and who isnt.

Just so everyone knows which councillors voted to spend money they dont have see below.It seems like only 2 councillors had the guts to stand up for the council taxpayers of Crowborough.

If that indeed was their motive then well done to them.Shame on the rest of them.

RESOLVED to authorise the Town Clerk to obtain borrowing approval of £329,600 (made up of £179,600 for the Goldsmiths project and £150,000 for land purchase)

FOR (Hoons) Cllrs Paul Adams, Leigh Colbran, Peter Cowie, Philip Fermor, Mick Hall, Anita Nerwin-Nye, George Moss, Liz Scott, Mark Symons and Neil Waller

AGAINST(Heroes maybe) Cllrs Colin Stocks and Sandra Timms

PCSOs

Below is a list of the Police covering Crowborough and surrounding areas.

Notice anything?They are mostly PCSOs which have no more powers than a traffic warden.Does that make you sleep safely in your bed knowing that we are being policed by useless PCSOs .

Police Community Support Officer Tamara Bennett
Areas covered: Wadhurst

Police Community Support Officer Chris Harrison
Areas covered: Crowborough West

Police Community Support Officer Matthew Boyle
Areas covered: Mayfield

Police Community Support Officer Ruth Parnell
Areas covered: Crowborough East And Alderbrook

Police Community Support Officer Parrish Claxton
Areas covered: Jarvis Brook

Police Community Support Officer Sarah Roberts
Areas covered: Withyham And Frant

Police Community Support Officer John Clift
Areas covered: North Ward

Police Community Support Officer Elizabeth Sword - Daniels
Areas covered: Crowborough

Neighbourhood Policing Constable Steve Etherington
Areas covered: Wadhurst, Rotherfield, Mayfield, Frant, Withyham And Groombridge

Police Community Support Officer Karl Williams
Areas covered: Crowborough

Police Community Support Officer Eleanor Feely
Areas covered: Rotherfield, Mark Cross And Eridge

Police Community Support Officer Chi Yau
Areas covered: Crowborough, St Johns

Neighbourhood Policing Constable Nicole Hardy
Areas covered: Crowborough